Last weekend, Mom and I took Grandma H to the cemetery to clear the leaves from her parents’ and sisters’ graves. Grandma H steps out of the car, looks around and says, “Everything is so dead here.”
Mom and I look at each other and erupt in laughter.
Mom gently reminds her, “This is a cemetery.”
Grandma H chuckles. “No, not the people. I meant the grass and the trees.”
******
Grandma H and I are driving and we go by the spot where someone committed suicide. She says, “He got the neighbor’s wife pregnant while her husband was away and couldn’t handle it.”
I ask, “Didn’t they know about oral sex back then? I mean there were ways to have fun without risking pregnancy.”
She gets quiet.
I ask, “Can I ask you a question?”
She goes, “Not about sex.”
“But you have all those years of experience,” I tease.
She chuckles.
********
My Aunt Cindi asked my mom to pick up a palm cross for my grandfather’s grave.
We take Grandma H all over town with us in search of one.
Grandma H says, “I don’t know why Cindi doesn’t save them each year. Just take the palm off and keep all those yellow ribbons.”
Mom says, “What yellow ribbons?”
Grandma H says, “The ones it’s made out of.”
Mom says, “Those are all from the palm. If we kept the ribbon it’s just the one tiny purple ribbon.”
Grandma H erupts in laughter.
*****
I’m a bit behind on sales reporting. March was a slow month, I only sold 12 books. But April is kicking March’s butt in sales. So yay!
The other day I was thinking, “Hmm, I haven’t seen any Grandma H posts from Kourtney for a while,” so I was thrilled to see her name in the title. Love the cemetery conversation. As for talking about oral sex with your grandma? You’re a far braver woman than I ever was… 😉
LOL. We curtailed our outings in the winter–neither of us like to drive in the snow. 🙂 I kinda just blurted it out. I mean killing yourself is so final and because you got your neighbor’s wife pregnant. It was soooo preventable. We didn’t go any further in that conversation than what’s on the blog though. 😉
That’s probably just as well…
I never want to make Grandma H uncomfortable. But she got a laugh out of it in the end–which is how I like most of our conversations to go!
Grandma H. What a doll. She’s got it all
Know it’s a cemetery, but those trips there with elderly relatives always bring out some joy and fun.
She’s hilarious. I like the cemetery trips. They are really peaceful but for whatever crazy thing Grandma H says. 🙂
Thanks for the Grandma H fix, Kourtney…she’s a hoot! I can’t believe you asked her about oral sex…too funny!
LOL. She’s pretty cool to talk about anything–though this was a bit awkward. 😉
Tossing aside the sexual digression (which I found witty by the way) I liked very much when Grandma H says “Everything is so dead here… “No, not the people. I meant the grass and the trees.”
Those lines could have been written by Isabel Allende… Have you read “Eva Luna”?… If not, I highly recommend it, Kourt.
Best wishes to you, Aquileana 🙂
Aw glad you enjoyed that. I read her book House of Spirits. I’ll have to add this other one to my TBR bookcase. 🙂
Loved the chuckles Kourtney.. thank you xox 🙂
Glad you enjoyed the Grandma H moments. 🙂
I love the Grandma H anecdotes. She could be a novel character! Those doubled-edged slips of the tongue are priceless.
Last week one of our new, less-experienced lunchroom supervisors at school was reminding the 5th grade about rules for outside recess. I could see the Pandora’s Box she was opening up, but I let her continue (sometimes it’s best to live and learn). She announced, “When we blow the whistle at the end of recess, stop playing with your balls, pick them up, and put them in the bin.”
Rule #1 when dealing with ‘tweens…NEVER use the word “balls” in a sentence. Ever. Yeah, she got the message. 😀
I’m so glad I got to hang out with her and catch a few more gems. I know!
LOL. Yup. I think a heads up wouldn’t have made the lasting impression that their reactions did. Sometimes we learn best by doing and seeing the results of our mistake. 😉
This is hilarious, Kourtney. What a classic Grandma H is! 😀
Thanks Dianne! She’s quite a lady. 🙂
What a delightful lady and how special that all of you are that close. And good to hear that April is picking up for you.
She’s one of a kind. We spent a bunch of time together last week cause my aunt was away and she was lonely. 🙂 Thanks, very thrilled about April sales. 🙂
Hooray for another Grandma H post. Thanks for sharing. She is such a hoot!
LOL. We hadn’t hung out in a while but we made up for it last week. Two days in a row of Grandma H time. 🙂
Those are some great stories, Kourtney. Nothing like true life to show our creative sides how silly, thoughtful, and beautiful real conversations can be. And, you’re lucky to be able to have such a close, honest relationship with your grandmother. She sounds like quite a lady! 😀
Thanks Mayumi! There are some awesome gems in every conversation with her. 🙂 Aw thanks. I try not to bring up sex too much with her but that situation just really irked me. To end your life over sex–just such a waste.
She’s awesome. 🙂
Oh Grandma H, she’s great! 🙂
100% agree. 🙂
Yay, another Grandma H post! 🙂 That cemetery line is absolutely classic—you absolutely should find a way to incorporate it in one of your stories. Such fun to hear again about your antics together. And go April for sales!
Thought she might brighten up your spring. 🙂 Oh it is. I will do my best! It’s fun to be anticking it up with her again. I am really pleasantly surprised to have the resurgence. Woohoo!
I’m so happy in your busy schedule you have time for Grandma H. and Grandma H. posts. Too too funny. Every time I read about Grandma H. the words ‘talk show’ spring to mind 🙂
Me too. This winter we didn’t see much of each other. Neither of us drives in bad weather. Lol. But we are going to hang out more now. Lol. She would be delightful on a talk show. 🙂
Enjoy your weekend with Grandma H again Kourtney and I think I am all caught up again.. xxx Enjoy and take care.. Love Sue xox
LOL. It’s springtime, we fall behind in blog reading to enjoy the outdoors. It’s only right. 🙂 Take care and hope your garden is blooming!