It has been far too long since the last Grandma H post. So I bring you the highlights of this fall with Grandma H…
Grandma H and I snuck in a Wednesday outing in September. I asked her to stop at my bank to make a quick deposit.
She pulls up to the drive-through window. As the teller is processing my transaction, Grandma H tells me, “I gotta go cash a check. I’m broken.”
“Really? And you think cashing a check will fix you?” I ask. “Maybe we need to see a doctor if you’re broken.”
She giggles, “I mean I’m broke.”
The teller is trying so hard not to laugh but a smile breaks out across his face.
We go to the library to pick up the new biography that Grandma H is dying to read on Ava Gardner.
She asks the librarian, “Who put the book on hold for me? She was so nice.”
The librarian says, “There’s no name on the hold card. Was it the blonde who works at the circulation desk?”
Grandma H replies, “No, it’s someone sorta important.” She turns to me, “Kour, she was at the podium with you.”
She means the night I had my library talk in June. My mind blanks and then I say, “Suzanne.”
The librarian says, “She’s right there.”
Suzanne waves and says, “Hi! We got James Stewart’s biography.”
Grandma H says, “Not interested.”
Suzanne says, “Really? He’s very popular. Most people liked him.”
Grandma H says, “He’s not sexy.”
The entire library burst out laughing.
Grandma H and I leave and she asks, “Why did they laugh? Did I say something wrong?”
I say, “You implied that your reading was based on sexiness. That’s kinda funny for someone your age.”
“Oh, no,” she says, “I just meant he wasn’t sexy so I didn’t find him interesting.”
We’re on the front porch talking about a day trip somewhere. My uncle says. “I’m getting a hotel room for the night.”
Grandma H says, “Well you’ll be there alone…with a prostitute.”
The whole family erupts in giggles.
She adds to me, “Can you picture it?”
“I don’t want to,” I say.
My uncle asks, “What did you she say?”
Grandma H responds, “I don’t boil my cabbage twice,” and refuses to repeat herself.
Grandma H was talking about how my uncle keeps the yard looking great and says, “You should have him down, cutting your bush.”
I nearly died.