I’m sitting at the kitchen table with Grandma H and she tells me, “We have to go back to the cemetery. We made a mess of the graves.”
My jaw drops.
“We put those fake flowers where the crocuses will come up. And the crocuses haven’t come up yet because they know they aren’t supposed to.”
*******
The heater pings.
My mom asks, “What was that?”
Grandma H says, “The spirits.” She bursts out laughing. “No, just the heater.”
******
We are at a little picnic at my aunt’s house. My dad moves his chair back near the sliding glass door.
Grandma H says, “Don’t sit there, you’ll back into the glass and get decapitated.”
I ask, “Decapitated?”
She nods. “His head will come right off.”
******
We are talking about my grandfather’s bad driving.
Grandma H says, “He couldn’t really move, he had a fat neck. Seventeen and a half.”
*****
Grandma H tells us about her last trip to the casino. “A guy sat down beside me. He had a scab on the side of his head. I couldn’t help looking at it.”
“What did you say?” I ask.
“Somebody hit you?”
“What did he say?” I ask.
“No, I fell on the floor,” she says. “So I told him, ‘It looks painful.'”
“What did he say?”
“Nothing. He got up and moved away from me.”
I just love your Grandma H posts! What a hoot. She sounds like an awesome lady. 🙂
Thanks! She is one of the funniest people in our family. After she hit 80, she just started saying whatever she wanted whenever she wanted. It’s been quite a fun experience. 🙂
It’s not fair. When your her age you can get away with that. Those of us who sometimes lose the filter on our mouths at a younger age get into trouble. 😉 It’s great you have such a close relationship with her. Treasure the moments. (And keep sharing!)
I know, it’s a while off. Start blaming old age after 50 I say. (Even if it’s middle age) That gets people ready for what is to come! I’m really lucky we get this time together. 🙂
I just laughed out loud. Before coffee. This makes me want to call my grandmother right now. 🙂
She keeps me and my mom pretty entertained. As she’s gotten older she’s lost her edit button. The things that fly from her mouth. 🙂 Aw, give her a call. Hope she makes you smile too.
GRANDMA SOUNDS SOOOOO CUTE …………
:)))))))
Thanks! I’ve taken to writing down the things she says because they are such a hoot. 🙂
I love your Grandma H. She sounds like a hoot. Sadly, my grandmother passed before she could tell me all the crazy things she thought. My other grandmother… she’s just not that kinda grandma, if you know what I mean.
Grandma H has always been a quirky grandma. Never knit or baked cookies. I’m really lucky to have her around still. I’m sorry you didn’t get more time with your grandmother. Each grandma seems to be cut from their own cloth.
Sounds like there’s never a dull moment with grams around. 🙂
We have a ball together. She gets my desert dry wit and I enjoy her sprays of honesty. 🙂
Such is the power of good writing. Just look at how you’ve made me fall in love with your Grandma H! I actually smiled and sat up straight when I saw the title of your post in my inbox. 🙂
LOL. I think it’s all her. No one has voice like Grandma H. It just pours out of her pores. 😉
She is a pistol. Please write a book about her. It will be a best seller.
LOL. She’d definitely make a cool character in one of stories. It just might be with her in it. 🙂
Ah. She sounds delightful. ❤
She’s always been a tad eccentric though now she’s full on beating to the drum of her own marching band. 🙂
It brought memories of my grandfather right to the forefront of my mind. They can get away those kind of things and everyone sees it as charming and enduring. We do it and we’re crazy. 🙂 LOL
So true Debra! It might be the best part of reaching old age–being able to say every thought that comes into our head without ramifications.:)
Grandma rocks. I hope when I’m her age, somebody listens to me the way you listen to her, Kourtney.
She’s a sweetie. Underneath the claws. 😉 She really is fun to be around. She’s one of my best friends now.
I always enjoy these stories. Guaranteed to bring a smile!
Thanks! I like sharing her with you. She’s such a character to be around. And I thought after yesterday’s post, a light one would be nice. 🙂
Down the road a bit, you will cherish her words. I am glad you are collecting these memories for yourself and happier still that you are sharing the fun with us 🙂
I’m sure I will. I’ve kept her cards and letters over the years but she’s so much funnier in person. Writing it down makes it permanent. No matter how short the moment was. Glad you are enjoying the bits of conversation I share. 🙂
Ha! That neck bit nearly sent tea spewing out my nose. (You’re welcome for the visual. ;)) I love Grandma H. Thanks for sharing her with us!
Sorry August! It was so funny. No lead in, no explanation she just blurts stuff out and you kinda put the pieces together. Aw, I loved your interview with your mom! Glad you like my Grandma H stories she giggles when I tell her she has a blog following. 🙂
hugs to Grandma H ( who probably thinks we are all nuts) – but some of us miss our grandmothers’ sudden blurts of wisdom and hilarity – some day you’ll be glad you recorded all these.
LOL. She is surprised everyone finds her funny. LOL. She doesn’t realize how adorable she is. I’m glad I captured my moments with her here forever. 🙂
Your grandma seems so interesting!
She’s such a character. I forgot that people this quirky can exist outside of books. 🙂
I don’t think I’ve seen people myself who are this way, just through others, but I agree it is awesome..
It’s funny, she gives me so much great material, I’m trying to figure out where she can appear in a book. 🙂
Everywhere!
I Heart Grandma H.
Aw thanks Kathryn. Me too!
Pahahahaha…the decapitation discussion made me guffaw.
Grandma H loves to throw down a big word every now and again. Though getting decapitated by a sliding glass door is a bit horror storyish. But she’s got a fertile imagination. 🙂
Hehe I think a guest post from her is in order 🙂
LOL. I wish. Grandma H doesn’t use computers. Or cell phones. She’s very old school. 🙂