Grandma H Moments

I’ve been going through a rough patch with my writing. I really started to feel like all these agent rejections left me facing a dead-end road. So I’ve been down the past few weeks. Grandma H picked me up for our outing two weeks ago and my mom cautioned her to be careful because I’ve been feeling low.

So Grandma H tries to be upbeat about my writing and be supportive. She talks about how much I’ve accomplished.

I start to laugh and say, “You know every time I’m optimistic about my writing, you piss all over it.”

She replies, “I don’t mean to. Do I really do that?”

I say, “Yeah, you piss on it.”

She confides, “I really don’t mean to piss on it. That’s terrible that I piss on it. I won’t piss on it.”

After she works piss into three sentences in a row, I can’t help laughing.


Grandma H goes to the doctor for a rash on her face. He gives her some cream and tells her it’s rosacea. He warns that stress will make it worse.

Grandma H comes home and announces, “I have wastoria.” She then taps her nose to show us where it is.

“You have what?”

“Wastoria. It’s this red rash on my nose and cheeks.”

I ask, “You mean rosacea?”



“Yes, rastoria.”

When my uncle comes in the room she says, “Don’t stress me out or my rastoria will get worse.” She taps her nose again.

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37 Responses to Grandma H Moments

  1. jbw0123 says:

    Ha ha! I bet your Grandma doesn’t piss on anything she really, really likes, so when she gives you a compliment, you know it’s really, really honest.

    You know, but I’ll remind you, that holiday time is murder on writers. It’s just not a good time to sit down by yourself and concentrate. Optimism takes a break so that you can get a good look into the mind of your darkest characters.

    • She really worries about me getting my hopes up and being disappointed, but I don’t know that having no hope really means no disappointment. She does love me lots though, so she decided to switch gears and prop me up which I really appreciated.

      What a great way of putting it–Optimism takes a break so that you can get a good look into the mind of your darkest characters.

      I’ll try to find the good in the bad moments. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Dear Kourtney,
    You should write your Grandma into one of your stories. She sounds like a fount of great material.
    Do not despair about your writing. November and December are very busy times with so many other obligations. You do what you can. But some friends and I are going to kick off the New Year with what I have dubbed JaNoWriMo. We are making our own novel in a month club, with open houses and write-a-thons where we can write in good company and be accountable to each other. I have friends who will participate, checking in from Alaska and California. Go easy on yourself, but take some time to plot your outline, get a fresh start, and make the New Year count. Want to play?

    • Thanks Naomi, Grandma is really wonderful. I haven’t written anything that needs a character like her yet, but I’ll keep it in mind.;) I don’t really despair about getting writing done, I guess I despair about ever being published. I have two manuscripts that couldn’t get an agent. Despite numerous revisions. Despite one being the best thing I’ve written. I’m revising a third manuscript right now to shop around next year. But I really want to see my other book in print. I think that sounds like a really great thing to do (JaNoWriMo), but I’m pushing myself to be ready to self-pub in the spring so I’m not doing any new drafting for a while. With three books, I figure one of them deserves to be out there for readers in 2013. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Dear Kourtney,
        Self-publishing is really working well for authors these days. I am still shopping Real Troopers, but I would consider going indie if I can’t find a publisher or an agent. I wish you all the very best!

        • THat’s what I’ve heard and seen. I think every writer has to find their way. I tried the agent route. And hit a dead end. I’m trying small presses–waiting to hear. But if they reject, I’ll self pub. I’ve been revising that book for 2 years now. It’s as done as it can be. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Thanks!

  3. klynwurth says:

    Love, love, love Grandma H. and the way you are, together. Thanks for making me smile…

    • She’s a pip. We really have fun together. Glad we could make you smile. She’s also one who refrains from swearing or using vulgar language. I think she said piss just to make me laugh because it’s a word that hardly ever comes out of her mouth. ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Grandma is such a doll! Now she has an excuse for eveything – and bet she uses it! Cheers to her.

  5. jmmcdowell says:

    I love the Grandma H stories. And it’s wonderful that you’re writing them down this way. Keep a copy beyond WordPress because many years from now, these stories will make you smile all over again. ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. 4amWriter says:

    Your grandma is awesome, and I can tell she’s rooting for you — even when she pisses all over it. ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Carrie Rubin says:

    “Wastoria”—Sounds like a hotel name! Of course, with a potty mouth like hers, Grandma H won’t likely get a room there. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  8. EllaDee says:

    Grandma H. could be the star of a novel, not just a character… which she is already. Or you could branch out and write a Grandma H. sitcom… you’ve hoards of material… ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. sounds a bit like my grandma, but I miss her so. thanks for sharing her with us.

  10. Elliot says:

    I don’t think my Gran would have ever used those words. That must have been amusing. See if you can teach her “bloody nora”, that would be impressive!

    • I think that was the best part and contributed to my laughing fit. She’s always on me for language. But she did it specifically to make me laugh. ๐Ÿ™‚ LOL. Bloody Nora–she might like that.

  11. Cat Forsley says:

    Cutest Grandma ALERT …………………….
    I can just Imagine You Laughing Like Crazy ……..
    and i love it xo

  12. berry says:

    Funny as hell. Where can i find my own grandma h.

  13. Pingback: Believe. Guest Blogger – Kourtney Heintz, author The Six Train to Wisconsin | elladee_words

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