Things Grandma H Said at the Mall

I’m at Ihop with Grandma H and she says, “You should go to a drive by.”

I ask, “You mean a drive through?”

“What’s the difference?”

“One I get shot at, the other I order my food to go.”

She giggles. “The other one then.”

We are sitting in Ihop and I start to take off my long sleeve shirt  because it’s warm and I’m wearing a tank top underneath.

Grandma H exclaims, “Are you going to strip?”

“Just to my tank top today.”

When we are seated at Ihop, an older couple is seated behind Grandma H. We all get our menus at about the same time. Grandma H and my food arrives. We are half-way done eating, when the waitress appears at the table behind us and they start asking lots of questions about the menu.

Grandma H asks, “They didn’t order yet?”


She whispers, “Are they old?” (Note: Grandma H is in her early 80s.)

“Yeah, they gotta be pushing 90.”

“They don’t have time for this,” she says.

I snort.

“They’ll be here all night,” she says.

I mention, “It always surprises me how much slower people get when they are toward the end of their lives. You think with that limited time, they’d do things faster.”

She cackles, “I know.”

A while later, the waitresses come to sing “Happy Birthday” to the little girls at the other end of our row of booths.

Grandma H says, “I hope that’s not for the old couple, they’ll be dead by the time the singers get down here.”


We are walking through the mall and a man is covered from scalp to toe in soot or grease walks toward us. Grandma H uses her outdoor voice and demands, “Where did he come from?”

I remind her, “That was really loud. Try to use your indoor voice or keep those kind of thoughts in your head.”

“Alright, but WHERE DID HE COME FROM? You saw him. Covered in dirt. Walking around. He must have escaped from prison.”

“Or he was working underground or as a mechanic.”

“He was filthy.”

“Maybe he needed to run an errand on his lunch break.”

“He shouldn’t come out in public like that.”

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34 Responses to Things Grandma H Said at the Mall

  1. Cat Forsley says:

    “Just to my tank top ” ………….
    oh my Goodness 🙂
    Soooooooo cute and Funny
    what a great way To wake Up K ……
    What a cute Grandma 🙂
    laughing so hard over here xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
    Thank You for the giggles xo
    Have a great day xxx

    • She was on such a roll that day, I had to take notes on my Iphone. The lines that pop out of her mouth are priceless! So glad they brightened up your morning. 🙂


      • Cat Forsley says:

        First Blog I read !!!!!!!!!!!!!
        yours 🙂
        Grandma H is hilarious 🙂
        Love her already !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
        Totally totally totally Funnnnnnnnnnnnnn
        you write such great accounts of what can happen in a day 🙂 It’s like fun journalism ! 🙂
        Loved it !
        Say Hi To Grandma H for me and tell her she rocks 🙂
        🙂 🙂 🙂

  2. I just love your Grandma H posts! Thanks for the chuckles, Kourtney–felt like watching you two on TV. 🙂

  3. Carrie Rubin says:

    Grandma H is the best. She calls it like she sees it. Very cool. Love the “drive by” thing. 🙂

  4. berry says:

    I want your grandma. What a piece of work.

  5. LOLOLOL!!! I love, love love this! I really want to see more of her here!

  6. It’s been awhile since I’ve read a Grandma H post. Love her!

  7. jmmcdowell says:

    I enjoy all your posts, Kourtney, but the Grandma H stories are my favorites. 🙂 I started smiling at the drive by and never stopped while I was reading!

  8. Such a fun lady. Enjoy her while you’ve got her.

  9. winsomebella says:

    She is what my friend would call a ” hoot”!

  10. sounds like my grandma… a totally liberated, do what she wants, say what she wants because she’s old kind of woman. gotta love them.

    • It’s funny because she was always an independent woman but she was always very polite and socially aware. Now she says and does as she pleases. Makes me look forward to old age. 🙂

  11. klynwurth says:

    It’s great to hear from Grandma again…awesome.

  12. EllaDee says:

    Priceless. I now have a role model for my eighties 🙂

  13. Laura says:

    I swear your grandma needs a sitcom! The stories about her crack me up.

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