The Need to be Alone


I am one of those people who can be completely content locked in my room for an entire weekend alone. I’ve always enjoyed observing and not interacting. I like getting lost inside my stories for hours and feeling like I was right there with my characters.

I adore my friends. We make awesome memories together. But I cherish the quiet of being alone. Of letting my mind wander and seeing what thoughts appear. Of hearing myself think. Sometimes, I have really entertaining thoughts. I actually find myself to be good company.


When I’m sick, I spend a good amount of time laying in bed thinking. Having cool dreams. Relaxing.

My favorite outing is to a big open space with few people. My personal nightmare is a crowded anywhere. Too much noise, too many people. Too much coming at me at once.

Do you feel the need to be alone or do you thrive on being around others?







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40 Responses to The Need to be Alone

  1. KSchwengy says:

    One of my favorites quotes is, “I was never less alone than when by myself.” I’m right there with you. It’s a trait very few in my large family can understand. The sister closest in age to me, used to tell my I must be very lonely, because she surrounded herself with people. Nope. Not lonely in the least. Love my ‘soulatude’.

    • That’s a great quote. ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s so cool to find like minded people. I have the same issue. Friends and family can’t fathom why I would consider myself busy when I have plans to be alone. Soulatude is very important. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. I definitely need my alone time, Kourtney. Of course, I wouldn’t mind spending it was that cute little fella.

    • Jill, he’s hysterical to have around. He only ever wants to lay on my spot on the bed. He’s pretty cool to hang with. He falls asleep in my lap at the laptop. But oh when he’s hungry or wants the door opened–he won’t shut up. Cries, moans, barks. It’s a tantrum fest.

  3. Ally Bean says:

    I’m exactly like you. Once when Z-D was away on business for over a week, I realized that I’d not talked with anyone [except him on the phone] for 5 days straight. I was perfectly happy, but decided that I really needed to interact with people so made plans to get out and go to lunch. But you know, I could have gone longer…

  4. Carrie Rubin says:

    I do very well being alone. In fact, I revel in it. And when I do seek out company, my family will do. Introverts. Can’t live with us, can’t live without us. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  5. I love being alone and I’m good at it – I think it comes from being an only child!

  6. K. Lyn Wurth says:

    Solitude is not only essential for creativity, but for balance in this hectic world. Good for you! I grew up in the Great Plains/West, and most of us appreciate our wide open spaces, with their built-in time alone. I’ve always found cities stressful…I don’t know how introverts survive in crowds. I guess by locking the bedroom door! Thanks for sharing.

    • Very true! I can only imagine that kind of space. It’s funny, I spent most of my adult life in cities. I tended to be more nervous back then than I am now. One of my coping mechanisms was to have headphones in whenever I was on the street or subway. It created a layer between all that noise and me. I also learned to walk super fast and get out of crowds or stay behind and avoid them. And there were weekends I holed up in my apartment and just nested.

  7. Lori says:

    I definitely need a balance of alone time and time with others. I’m sort of a freak about balance. Not that I’m involved with astrological signs, but the Libra sign fits me to a tee (scales of balance). Yes, I do need alone time. But, if I’m alone too long, I find myself itching for contact with people. On the other hand, we had a busy weekend with people, and I was looking forward to my alone time today.

    Anyway, that’s my answer to your question. But, it’s really good to be able to be with ourselves. We have to be our own best friends, because we take ourselves with us everywhere. ๐Ÿ˜€

    • Balance is the key. ๐Ÿ™‚ As a Libra that really makes sense. I do remember feeling lonely during my back injury when I had to work from home and couldn’t socialize. Too much alone can be tough too.

      I think being able to be alone and liking yourself are key for a happy life, whether an introvert or an extrovert. ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. Often Kourtney.. I like you can be content within my own company.. and I hope you are feeling much brighter this week now your medication has kicked in.. Much love to you and I so thank you for your wonderful catch up ๐Ÿ™‚ xxx Hugs Sue <3

    • Funny how so many of us introverts find each other online. ๐Ÿ™‚ You have so many cool talents–painting, gardening, knitting–I can’t imagine a moment you don’t enjoy by yourself. I am feeling so much better. I had no idea how much energy I was lacking until I actually felt better. Hugs and Happy week to you! ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Missed this reply until now ๐Ÿ™‚ and glad I back tracked onto your post.. ๐Ÿ™‚ Yes I love my ME time and enjoy lots of ‘Alone’ time within the projects I create.. But I can only imagine being submerged within a sea of words to create such wonderful adventures as you produce.
        None of my projects have deadlines, I pick them up and put them down at leisure so do not feel the pressure you are under..
        Have a wonderful New Week Kourtney ๐Ÿ™‚ xxx

        • No worries. ๐Ÿ™‚ I love what I do. Truly I do. Spending hours of my day with my characters is wonderful. Doing it on a deadline ups the stress. I want to deliver the best story I can. But sometimes I feel like I’m fighting time to do it. They say most writers don’t finish their books because we never feel truly done. ๐Ÿ˜‰ We could keep revising for eternity.
          So maybe the deadline is a good thing.

          Have a great week! xoxox

  9. davidprosser says:

    I was never comfortable in a crowd. I’m not a social animal though I love small family affairs..
    xxx Massive Hugs xxx

  10. I’m someone who travels four days per week and my job is meeting with people all of the time. This is especially hard because I’m an introvert. By the time I fly home on Thursday, I have my earbuds firmly implanted and a look that says ‘don’t talk to me’. I chuckle when I see the posts on Facebook that ask if I would spend a month in a cabin in the woods with all the food and heat that I need with no cable, Internet, or telephone. The posts go on to say if I made it, I would be given $100,000. If I could do this with something to write with, I would pay $100,000 ๐Ÿ™‚

    • That’s a tough job for an introvert. I totally understand the need to be alone after all that interaction. You must savor the weekend. I would sign up for that as long as I could bring a pen and paper or a case of books. ๐Ÿ™‚ LOL. Yup that is definitely worth $100K if you could be alone and get your writing done!

  11. Mayumi-H says:

    I think most people who create – whether that is visual art, computer code, or stories – are comfortable with and, in fact, require some alone time totally away from other people. The only artistic exception I’ve found to this are musicians, because collaboration in that circumstance intensifies the kind of dopamine reaction that comes with creation. But even the musicians I’ve known will do a lot of their primary composition or practice alone, and welcome wider interaction only during periods of free jamming, set practice, or open play.

    Personally, my tolerance for crowds varies. Walking in a crowded airport, say, where everyone has a destination: no problem. Standing in a crowded bar waiting for a band to come onstage, on the other hand, will make me froth at the mouth. Which is probably one of the reasons why I don’t spend much time at live concerts anymore. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • That’s true. I never thought of it that way with musicians. I am a fan of one on one feedback. I have never enjoyed a critique group. But a critique partner works really good for me.

      Oh crowded airport is a definite stressor for me. Crowded bar really depends on my mood. I do hate random people touching me. Possibly why the airport is also a stressor.

  12. jmmcdowell says:

    I’m a true introvert, so alone is lovely for me. And, when I do want company, it’s usually my husband or a few friends. And like a true introvert, I don’t find anything lonely about that!

    • Despite having many FB friends and blog buddies, I have a tiny circle of friends that know all the embarrassing details of my existence. I much prefer a few intimate friends to many fair weather friends. Love your perspective on this!

  13. carlamcgill says:

    I have to track my own state of mind before getting together with people, and while I enjoy solitude (especially enjoyed it when my little dog was here, but he passed away in October), I can also go into kind of black hole of no productivity if the wrong mood happens. If the right mood happens, I can enjoy hours/days of solitude reading, writing, and thinking. There is a lot to do in a home. Cooking, gardening, writing, and reading can be so fulfilling! On the Meyers-Briggs scale, I am an even 5/5 in terms of introvert/extrovert, which feels accurate.

    • I think it’s important to recognize what you need and give it to yourself. ๐Ÿ™‚ If you are in the middle of the spectrum of introvert/extrovert–it absolutely makes sense that you like to mix it up. I have friends that simply can’t get that I only socialize 1-2 times a week at most. And some weeks it’s zero. I tend to need a lot of alone time. Especially if I have to do marketing for the book. That takes up my limited extroverting energy.

  14. I love my alone time, and I require several hours a day. This became problematic for me when I had children, so naptimes were a major blessing for me. I have had to adjust accordingly to their schedules, which have become increasingly busy and require me to spend even more time with more people. That isn’t easy at all. By the end of some days I am comatose from too much human interaction!

    • I can only imagine how many demands you have on your time as a parent and a writing coach. ๐Ÿ™‚ I feel the same way. Like let me just sit here and not speak or listen. I’ll just turn the tv on and veg out. Sometimes I just want to lay in the dark.

  15. carlamcgill says:

    How good that you take the time to track your inner life and social energy reserves. Sometimes it gets away from me.

  16. Pete Denton says:

    Never been a group kind of guy. Happy to be holed up alone for a week off with just me and my wife. Before we got together, happy to be alone all week and not speak to a soul ๐Ÿ™‚

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