A couple months back, I was listening to Bastille’s song “Weight of Living Part 2”, and the lyrics echoed inside my mind.
Do you like the person you’ve become?
It made me stop and reevaluate where I was and who I was. At the time my answer was no.
So I tinkered with my lifestyle.
I don’t like feeling sluggish and off. Being constantly bloated and swollen. Those are all side effects of not controlling my blood sugar issues.
I finally re-committed to a healthier eating regimen. The one that multiple doctors have told me is tailored to deal with my insulin resistance. The one where I feel stronger and more energetic. The one where the side effects of the insulin resistance fade away. The one that works when I’m diligent.
I also increased my workouts from 60 to 80 minutes a day. More time devoted to strengthening my body. Building muscle also helps with the insulin resistance.
I hate that I have this chronic condition that I have to deal with. I hate that I can’t eat whatever I want without major consequences. I hate that I’ve had this since I was 22. I hate that I’ve had it under control and then let it spiral back out of control.
Because when I manage it, I manage it really well. But like any chronic condition, it’s exhausting to be on top of it all the time.
People don’t make it easier either. Especially at parties or group dinners. They say, “Oh one cheat day won’t hurt. Or come on just try it. Or I don’t know how you do that, it’s so restrictive. Or that can’t be healthy.”
But the thing is, when you have insulin problems, everything you eat matters. Every cheat moment counts. And it sets off a horrible reaction within your body. Once I splurge, I can’t unsplurge. I am a sugar addict. If my body gets a hit, I crave it and I need more and more to deliver the same level of satisfaction.
I don’t want to be that person anymore. The one who feels out of control in her own body. So I’m going to become the person I want to be. The person I need to be in order to be healthy.
And I like my days so much better now. There is no guilt. Because I know I am being good to myself. There is no frustration because I can fit my clothes again and I don’t have to lie that everything is shrinking.
Most importantly, I can say I like who I’ve become.
Do you like who you’ve become? Is there something that you’d like to work on?