Do You Like Who You’ve Become?

A couple months back, I was listening to Bastille’s song “Weight of Living Part 2”, and the lyrics echoed inside my mind.

Do you like the person you’ve become?

It made me stop and reevaluate where I was and who I was. At the time my answer was no.

So I tinkered with my lifestyle.

I don’t like feeling sluggish and off. Being constantly bloated and swollen. Those are all side effects of not controlling my blood sugar issues.

I finally re-committed to a healthier eating regimen. The one that multiple doctors have told me is tailored to deal with my insulin resistance. The one where I feel stronger and more energetic. The one where the side effects of the insulin resistance fade away. The one that works when I’m diligent.

I also increased my workouts from 60 to 80 minutes a day. More time devoted to strengthening my body. Building muscle also helps with the insulin resistance.

I hate that I have this chronic condition that I have to deal with. I hate that I can’t eat whatever I want without major consequences. I hate that I’ve had this since I was 22. I hate that I’ve had it under control and then let it spiral back out of control.

Because when I manage it, I manage it really well. But like any chronic condition, it’s exhausting to be on top of it all the time.

People don’t make it easier either. Especially at parties or group dinners. They say, “Oh one cheat day won’t hurt. Or come on just try it. Or I don’t know how you do that, it’s so restrictive. Or that can’t be healthy.”

But the thing is, when you have insulin problems, everything you eat matters. Every cheat moment counts. And it sets off a horrible reaction within your body. Once I splurge, I can’t unsplurge. I am a sugar addict. If my body gets a hit, I crave it and I need more and more to deliver the same level of satisfaction.

I don’t want to be that person anymore. The one who feels out of control in her own body. So I’m going to become the person I want to be. The person I need to be in order to be healthy.

And I like my days so much better now. There is no guilt. Because I know I am being good to myself. There is no frustration because I can fit my clothes again and I don’t have to lie that everything is shrinking.

Most importantly, I can say I like who I’ve become.

Do you like who you’ve become? Is there something that you’d like to work on?

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30 Responses to Do You Like Who You’ve Become?

  1. Elle Knowles says:

    Good for you! I have two grown daughters who fight this illness everyday the same as you. I know it’s not easy. ~Elle

  2. davidprosser says:

    I’m a no and am very like as you were but still cheating. I like all the cheats and little extras and tend not to think about them.Perhaps my next blood test in March will be the eye opener for me. Well done on regaining control.
    xxx Huge Hugs xxx

    • David it’s really really hard to be good to ourselves. To make good eating and exercise decisions. It took me a year to get the exercise routine down. Then I attacked the eating. The neat thing is the more you decrease sugars the more your taste buds respond to them so now an apple tastes like a popsicle to me. ๐Ÿ™‚ I hope you’re able to make some headway this year. I find the treats taste awesome but they make me feel bad. Once I focused on the aftereffects, it was a little easier to stop them. Good luck!

  3. Ally Bean says:

    I applaud you on your ability to see what you needed to do, and then [most importantly] doing something positive to make it so. Being your best is never easy, but you give me hope. Continued success.

    • Thanks Ally. There were a bunch of false starts along the way. It took a lot to shift me to being committed to doing this. Making the right choices each day is hard, but I try to give myself lots of props for each day I make it through. ๐Ÿ™‚ Hugs!

  4. Carrie Rubin says:

    People can unknowingly–and sadly, knowingly–sabotage our efforts, whatever those efforts might be. Sorry you have to face that, but I admire your choice to maintain your healthier lifestyle. It never lets up, does it? It’s not like one can make improvements for a month and then return to their comfort level. It’s a daily effort. Luckily, as your improved well-being shows, those efforts are rewarding. But the addictive nature of sugar can be a brute. Food companies know that all to well and take full advantage of it. Stay strong. It’s SO impressive you’ve made these changes!

    • I’ve found I just have to be difficult at restaurants and also cut back on eating events with other people. There are tens of opportunities to mess up every day. It’s really hard and it takes a lot of focus and effort. Sugar is so dangerous for someone like me. I watch my friends eat it without any ill side effects and I get so jealous. I’m really focusing on fruits and veggies and avoiding processed foods. ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. My dad and brother have to manage, this. Brother for a long time didn’t pay attention – even if his kids yelled at him about it. He started exercising and that seems to have turned him around as he discovered he could feel good. It must be a battle, but so worth it – everyone must treat themselves gently and discover what works best for them. Hooray for you! (You and pup stay snug in this brrrrry weather!)

    • It’s one of the hardest things because there are so many chances of messing up in a day. Exercising really helps and can make a huge difference mentally. Some days are easier than others. Watching other people eat cookies is incredibly hard. I want to join in. Thanks. It’s brutal up here. The windchill is so cold. We’re staying in and working ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. I am a type 2 diabetic with high bp and a stroke survivor. I have now, switch ed to full vegan and my bp runs 113/74 when it’s high; my sugar is around 85 in the mornings, and my stroke symptoms are better.
    Making that life change was hard. people kept telling me not to, that it can’t be healthy, they couldn’t do it…blah blah.
    My stroke changed my brain and made me more resilient and more of a “I will do what I want” person, so the switch was easier.
    Don’t make it be that way – just make your decision for YOU and stick to it.
    No one should care as much about you as YOU.

    • Thanks for sharing your story and the really inspiring words, Scott! Life changes are so hard especially when those who care about us aren’t supportive. I will do my best to stick to it. One day at a time. ๐Ÿ™‚


  7. EllaDee says:

    Good on you ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s not easy. I get the shakes and feel awful if I eat too much sugar/refined food, or low blood sugar if I don’t eat. So I understand it’s not easy to manage. And I find the more I exercise the hungrier I get… does that happen with you?

    • Thanks. It’s a daily struggle. But I’m taking it one day at a time. Exercise does increase my appetite but avoiding sugars keeps it from spiraling out of control. I can eat a bagel and eat 3 more and still feel starving. That’s insane. So I eat greek yogurt and berries or eggs and low carb bread for breakfast and I feel satiated. ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. Lori D says:

    This hit home. Thanks for sharing it. I’m glad you are being good to yourself again. I know that when I don’t feel good physically, it effects my mood. I know how hard it is … believe me … I get it. I hope you have support. Keep up the good work.

    • It’s something I struggle with all the time. Being physically off really impacts my mood too. It’s tough when you are fighting your own body. My parents and my close friends are pretty awesome. I’m very lucky like that. There are others who just aren’t and I’ve learned to keep them at a comfortable distance. I’ll do my best! ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. It’s so difficult because eating is something you do several times a day, so you have to be strict on yourself and in control several times a day, it’s relentless. I guess the pay off is that you feel much better, and that’s what keeps you going with it!

    • You have to do it at least three times a day. And then there are the temptation moments like when you grab coffee with someone and they want to split a brownie or someone brings donuts into work. It is relentless. It takes absolute effort and will power. I do feel a lot better and I can fit into more of my clothes so there are definite benefits to staying the course!

  10. TBM says:

    I live with Graves Disease. People say such stupid things to me, such as, I have a super high metabolism. When some find out, they say, “I wish I had that.” My disease is treatable, but there’s no cure. I have to manage it every day and if untreated, it can kill me. I look at them like they are an idiot. I feel for you when people say you can cheat for a day. It’s not that easy and the consequences are severe.

    • I’m so sorry to hear that. And their reactions are really hurtful. Dealing with a chronic illness is really really hard. Yours especially so. I don’t know how you refrain from smacking people. Some people don’t understand consequences or haven’t experienced them. At times, I envy them. To be able to do as they please without bad repercussions. It’s not fair but life isn’t fair. We have to work with what we are given, even bodies that don’t function the way they are supposed to. Hugs.

  11. Sugar is a tough one because it is in so many foods. I weaned myself off of sugar in my coffee and tea, so now I only add milk. I don’t miss it now that I’ve been without it. Unfortunately, you can’t do that so easily to all foods. Somehow, I cannot get used to cakes and cookies without real sugar.

    Hang in there. You know what makes you feel healthy and energetic. Take one day at a time.

    • Yes. The funny thing is when you decrease your consumption of it, your taste buds can taste it better. Now apples are like candy for me. It’s hard because most meals include a starch that’s way too much sugar and carbs for me. I’m eating tons of veggies and fruits, but I miss mashed potatoes and pasta. Cakes and cookies are on my must avoid list. They are the gateway foods to bad bad behavior for me.

      Thanks. Tonight I had a little oatmeal and it was a delicious treat. Funny what becomes a fun splurge without guilt. And yes, each day is a success. ๐Ÿ™‚

  12. I think you’re doing great, Kourtney. You obviously have discipline when it comes to your writing and you’re using that same discipline to improve your health.
    Want to kick the sugar habit, get adult braces. I had braces for two years, in my forties and didn’t eat sugar during that time. I was petrified I would end up with a mouth full of cavities. Once they were off, sugar was just too sweet.
    Thanks for popping by my blog. WP had dropped my follow somewhere along the line, so I just re-followed your blog. I hope your grandmother is doing well. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Thanks Jill. My work has always been super organized my eating however has not. I feel so much better when I follow the rules and do what I’m supposed to. LOL. I actually had them as a teen. But that’s an option. ๐Ÿ™‚ Darn that WordPress. Thanks. She is. Still cantankerous and living life.

  13. Brilliant Kourtney.. seems like we are all in the process of rediscovering ourselves.. Well done on your new regime.. Love and Hugs to you xx I am so pleased you are feeling like a New You! xx

    • I think we are awakening from winter’s slumber. ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks. It’s hard. Sometimes I really want to give in but then I remember what that spirals into and I hold on another day. ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s nice to feel more comfortable with my body–stronger and more graceful too–the perks of exercise. Hugs!

Any thoughts or reactions or favorite foods you want to share?